How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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