Having a random hookup so left but love u
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
