On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
