She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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