I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
