my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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