and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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