I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
