Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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