I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
