At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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