Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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