I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
