a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
