The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
