Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
