I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
