Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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