we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
