How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Randomize
