Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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