Did I show you my penis last night?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
