Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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