and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I think a kid would responsible me up
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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