I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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