Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
