i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
