marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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