btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
