WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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