so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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