Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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