Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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