grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
