God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
