you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
