you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
