I'm pants shitting drunk right now
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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