found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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