Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
