fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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