new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
