Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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