So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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