I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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