i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
