You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
