Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
