So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
