he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
