Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
