As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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