i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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