We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
