if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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