No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
