Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
